I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
