My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
