it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just blew my weed a kiss
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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