Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Success! We fucked roommates!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
