im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
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Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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