Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
