yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
