I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Life is so much better after having sex.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
