Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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