So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
