i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
