Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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