So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
