You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
