Buhtt sex?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
