My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
