oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
