Dual....:-)
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
