Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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