Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
