I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
