Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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