i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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