Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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