You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
