the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
