How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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