I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize
