Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
