I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
