...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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