who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
