I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
