We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
