i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
