Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
