the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I know her cup size but not her name....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
