WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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