He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
