we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
