I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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