Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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