I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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