he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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