Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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