So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
