Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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