all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
