That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
