Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
