I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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