I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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