You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
