if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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