i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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