so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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