evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
