wakey wakey hands off snakey
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
