New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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