She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
