I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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