Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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