she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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