Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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