i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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