weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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